Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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