Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
