quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
