I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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