i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
