Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
