He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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