ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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