SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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