trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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