Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
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I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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