What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
