I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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