I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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