woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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