If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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