How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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