9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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