FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just had sex on a roof
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
