smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
