im six kinds of drunk right now
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
