I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
