Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
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I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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