I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
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Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
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Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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