He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
