I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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