i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
