You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
