My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
