i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
