FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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