I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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