Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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