I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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