I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
