This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
