WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
