covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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