your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
