my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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