I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
