Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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