I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
