Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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