Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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