I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
