is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
