apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
