I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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