your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
