What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
