Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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