Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
