My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
