I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
