I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
try to milk me bitch
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
