Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
