Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
