u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I need to align my fucking chakras
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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