Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
