Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
