"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
